Tension

This morning, despite an aching neck and an aching back and a groggy feeling pounding against the insides of my eyelids, I stayed in bed an hour and a half longer than I intended. Not sleeping so much as hiding. Today I have plenty of the normal stuff to get done, like buying conditioner and groceries and cleaning and taking out the recycling. But today is also the day that I've set aside for driving up to the college where I'll be teaching as of Monday, so I can use the floppy drive in the "adjunct workstation" to read through the entirety of the helpful information I've been given, and so I can make copies and transparencies for the first day of class, and so I can find out where to pick up keys and how to get a copy of my class list, since I can't print one myself until Human Resources finishes processing the paperwork I gave them three weeks ago.

Add to those Unfamiliar Important Things the fact that we found and applied for a really great apartment over a week ago and still haven't heard whether we're approved for it because if we are approved, they'll simply sign and mail us the lease we've already signed. And yes, she said to assume we were "in the clear" if we didn't hear from them, and we haven't heard from them, but we are both committed realists (pessimists), and I want so badly to just know where we stand on this that I dreamed last night we got the lease in the mail, and we moved in. And today, because it wasn't real and because so many other uncertainties are, I feel as if a crowd of tiny people is bracing its feet against my brain and pushing with its hands against the inside of my forehead.