Saturday, June 09, 2007

Scared to Death

Today I gave myself an assignment: write a syllabus. I start teaching in just over two weeks, and I remember the Dean saying that he wanted to see the course syllabus before the class began. So today I've sat down a few times to begin working on it, and I've always ended up doing something else. Have a bowl of ice cream. Do a load of laundry. Read. Blog.

Because every time I sit down, I immediately run into something intimidating or scary or difficult to work with. Oh no, I don't remember where anything is in the school. Oh no, I haven't decided what kind of work I'll be assigning, or for how many points. Oh no, I've agreed to work full-time at the bookstore until the day before I start teaching, and I won't have enough time to prepare. Oh no, I don't know for sure how many chapter tests there will be, and since my computer doesn't seem aware that it has a floppy drive, I can't find out by checking the discs the instructor gave me. Oh no, grading involves math. Oh no.

I'm fully cognizant that the best thing for me to do right now is flex my nuts, write a syllabus with a few blanks in it where the so-far-unresolved stuff will go, and work on the hard parts after I've earned a sense of accomplishment. And I think I'm almost to a point where I can handle that, emotionally. But first I need to put on some music (because music is good, and because the landlord's kid has been jumping/stomping/bludgeoning baby bunnies upstairs for literally two hours and I'll have to poke out my own eyes if I don't drown out the thumping soon). And fold some laundry. And make a quesadilla. And then I will be brave enough to write a syllabus.

Ready...go.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Natasha said...

Those poor, poor baby bunnies.

6/10/2007 2:23 AM  
Blogger Laura B. said...

I can feel your anxiety from here, Amber. I understand, but I know you'll do really, really well. This little bit of fear will make you an even better teacher---. Trust yourself!

6/11/2007 9:32 PM  

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