I'm afraid of the mail now. Email. Postal mail. It's all the same when it can all bring tidings of a fucked-over future. When I parked in front of my house this afternoon, I could see that the top of the mailbox was closed all the way. That meant small envelopes only--no giant "welcome to our happy academic family" packets. It turned out to be all junk mail, but before I knew that for sure, my stomach curdled with apprehension.

I want to be excited about all of the possibilities in this--I am a little excited--but the fear is just way too persuasive.