Stress
Arg.
I think that pretty much sums up my life today. I'm working on so many things that I had to put "call Grandma" on my To Do list. I feel bad about that, like I'm reducing my grandma to a task I have to complete. But it's not like that. During the day, I'm working on school-related things and I don't slow down enough to think about phone calls to grandmas until late at night. And grandmas, no matter how much they love you, rarely appreciate midnight phone calls.
So aside from calling my grandma, the best thing about today was hearing that my thesis proposal, which I actually managed to write, is "excellent." Yay! Now I just have to continue working on the story that I'll excerpt my writing sample from (my thesis is an academic/creative hybrid: part critical essay, part collection of short stories). And I have to write the bibliography, but I'm sort of looking forward to it. It's sick, I know that. But I like bibliographies. They appeal to my inner neat freak: all of that knowledge, summed up trimly in individual entries and alphabetized. I never allow myself to write a bibliography until a paper is completely finished. It borders on ritualistic.
But even the best thing about today (which is a pretty major thing: I'm getting three credits for that proposal) is overshadowed by the stress of realizing, too late really, that I'm probably being overconfident by only applying to one PhD program. See, I only applied to one undergraduate school, one MA program. I know what I want, and I'm kind of used to getting it. But all of a sudden, now that application deadlines are looming and I'm taking my GRE a little too late to make some school's deadlines, I'm not so sure that I'll get what I want this time. The wheel of fortune can flip me upside down at any time, right? I guess I'll have to try to find at least three good schools that it isn't too late to apply to. And I'll try to maintain my confidence. I'm a hard worker, and that's reflected in my GPA. My academic writing has helped me earn the respect of some professors with pretty high standards.
But still...
Ever feel like you might physically choke on your stress?
Arg.
I think that pretty much sums up my life today. I'm working on so many things that I had to put "call Grandma" on my To Do list. I feel bad about that, like I'm reducing my grandma to a task I have to complete. But it's not like that. During the day, I'm working on school-related things and I don't slow down enough to think about phone calls to grandmas until late at night. And grandmas, no matter how much they love you, rarely appreciate midnight phone calls.
So aside from calling my grandma, the best thing about today was hearing that my thesis proposal, which I actually managed to write, is "excellent." Yay! Now I just have to continue working on the story that I'll excerpt my writing sample from (my thesis is an academic/creative hybrid: part critical essay, part collection of short stories). And I have to write the bibliography, but I'm sort of looking forward to it. It's sick, I know that. But I like bibliographies. They appeal to my inner neat freak: all of that knowledge, summed up trimly in individual entries and alphabetized. I never allow myself to write a bibliography until a paper is completely finished. It borders on ritualistic.
But even the best thing about today (which is a pretty major thing: I'm getting three credits for that proposal) is overshadowed by the stress of realizing, too late really, that I'm probably being overconfident by only applying to one PhD program. See, I only applied to one undergraduate school, one MA program. I know what I want, and I'm kind of used to getting it. But all of a sudden, now that application deadlines are looming and I'm taking my GRE a little too late to make some school's deadlines, I'm not so sure that I'll get what I want this time. The wheel of fortune can flip me upside down at any time, right? I guess I'll have to try to find at least three good schools that it isn't too late to apply to. And I'll try to maintain my confidence. I'm a hard worker, and that's reflected in my GPA. My academic writing has helped me earn the respect of some professors with pretty high standards.
But still...
Ever feel like you might physically choke on your stress?
Arg.
posted by Amber at 6:36 PM
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